Adoption Through the Holidays: Holding Hope, Grief, and Everything In Between
The holidays are supposed to feel magical… right?
But if you’re trying to conceive, or you’re in the thick of an adoption wait, the holidays can feel like an emotional minefield. All around you are baby announcements, matching Christmas pajamas, Santa photos, and families who seem to have exactly what you’re longing for.
And you’re stuck in this in-between place—trying so hard to be present and grateful, while carrying quiet feelings of grief, longing, and frustration.
It’s complicated. It’s messy. And it’s real.
The Pain of Waiting During the “Happiest Time of the Year”
Whether you’re navigating infertility or you’re officially in the adoption process waiting for the call, the holidays can intensify everything.
There’s the ache of not knowing when your child will come into your life. There’s the heaviness of seeing others celebrate milestones you wish were your own. There’s the constant inner tug-of-war between hope… and heartbreak.
You can feel sad and excited.
Grateful and gutted.
Hopeful and exhausted.
Holding two truths at once is something adoptive parents learn early.
When “Helpful” Comments… Aren’t
And of course, the well-meaning comments come rolling in:
“Maybe next year you’ll have a little one with us!”
“Any day now…”
“I’m sure it’ll happen soon!”
“So… any updates?”
These usually come from love. From people who don’t know what to say, but want to say something.
But if we’re being honest? They don’t always feel helpful.
Sometimes it takes everything in you not to respond with: “You’ll know when there’s something to know.” Mentally prepare yourself for these comments. Prepare a few quick responses and ways to change the subject if you aren’t in space where you want to talk about it. If you’re anything like me, even have a few dark-humored jokes on standby.
The truth is: adoption isn’t predictable. And during the holidays—when emotions are already big—these comments can sting just a little bit more.
Permission to Feel What You Feel
One of the most important lessons I learned is this:
Give yourself permission to be sad. Give yourself space to grieve the way you thought life would look by now. It’s okay to cry and be sad. It’s okay to feel jealous and frustrated and even angry. It’s normal to have questions or feeling like life’s unfair. It’s normal to have all of the emotions and there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way.
But also try not to linger in that place of sadness for too long. It’s important to not get lost in that grief and miss out on precious moments and memories.
Both things matter.
Stay Busy. Live Your Life. Make Memories Now.
Something I wish someone had told me (and that I wish we had done more intentionally): Enjoy this time in front of you.
Yes, your heart is in the waiting—but your life is still happening right now.
We got so consumed with waiting for a phone call and hoping there was a baby waiting for us. We cancelled vacation plans in the chance we might get a call. We stayed nearby in case we got a call. We let life pass while we waited. I think focusing so much on the waiting made the waiting game feel that much longer. So instead, make plans and keep yourself busy.
Go skiing.
Take spontaneous weekend getaways.
Stay out late at a holiday party without worrying about a babysitter.
Book the trip.
Say yes to plans.
Fill your time with things that feel like living.
These are the things that become harder to do once your child arrives. And once they do arrive, those memories will be a gift—moments you created in a season where everything felt uncertain.
You deserve joy… even while you wait.
And When the Day Finally Comes…
It’s cliché, but it’s true:
The wait changes you. And it’s worth it.
The day you welcome your baby, everything shifts. All the longing, wondering, and waiting suddenly expands into something bigger and deeper than you imagined.
You’ll look back at the holidays you struggled through and see them differently—softer, maybe even sacred in their own way—because they were part of your path to becoming a parent.
If You’re in the Waiting Right Now…
Be gentle with yourself.
Feel what you need to feel.
Protect your energy.
And don’t be afraid to create pockets of joy, even when it feels hard.
Your story is unfolding in its own time.
And you’re not alone. 💛
