We often forget that those parents have invested family members who may or may not want to be involved as well. This is entirely up to you and goes back to your boundaries. Some of these relationships may be healthier than others and you get to choose who you want to connect with.

It’s important to realize that with adoption comes trauma. Even if you adopt your child at birth, there will still be trauma. This is not to any fault of your own but rather the fact that adoption is a traumatic event regardless of if a child is being placed in a loving home with the best parents ever.

Becoming a parent was hard. We‘ve had to jump through so many hoops to make it actually happen. We should be grateful to have this child and should appreciate every moment we have with our child. That’s how it feels…right? But you’re going to have the same emotions that every parent has.

How do I know what attachment feels like? I didn’t birth this child. I never received the flood of hormones your body produces so that you attach to the child properly. There was so much stress about making sure you connect with the child and being their safe space.

Before we adopted, we were warned at an adoption conference that people will make comments to you and you will be surprised what people feel is appropriate to say. I couldn’t believe how right they really were.

Boundaries are important — regardless of who they are with. We have boundaries with our own parents, friends and colleagues. It’s no different with the birth family. You need to establish what your comfortable with and you need to communicate your expectations clearly. Clarity is kindness.

When we told people we were going to have an open adoption, the first response we usually got was, “Oh I could never! Aren’t you afraid the mom is going to try to take the baby back?!”

It’s easy to let your insecurities and fears seep in. You want to put all your walls up. However, through open adoption you are able to help raise a well-adjusted human who feels loved and has a strong sense of identity.