Managing Meltdowns in Public
You know that moment. You’re halfway through a grocery run, or trying to enjoy a Saturday at the zoo, when it happens: the loud, limbs-everywhere, everyone’s-staring meltdown.
This is the scene everyone dreads. There’s this immediate reaction you feel in your body where you are silently pleading your child to stop screaming so everyone else can stop staring at you. We so badly want our child to be perfect in public, but that’s just not a realistic expectation.
I’ve learned that public tantrums can become powerful teaching moments if we stay calm and follow through (the emphasis is on following through).
Love and Logic in Real Life
Love and Logic is built on two ideas: empathy and natural consequences.
The empathy part? I can acknowledge how hard it is to feel big feelings in a crowded place.
The consequence? I don’t want to be right next to a screaming child—and that’s natural.
So if we’re at Target, the zoo, or a restaurant and my child loses it, I might say softly,
“I’m happy to stay nearby when you’re calm. I’ll be right over there,” or “It hurts my ears when you scream, so I’m going to walk away until you’re calm.”
Then I move about 10–15 feet away. I don’t disappear or abandon them—I stay where I can see them and they can see me—but I remove the audience and the argument. I don’t look in their direction and give them any sort of reaction or attention. I ignore the tantrum until they are calm. When they are solidly calm, then I can approach them and discuss why I walked away and address how they should handle it next time. This also is an opportunity for them to now, calmly, address why they are upset and for you to validate their feelings. This does not mean they are going to get their way, but you can acknowledge how frustrating that feeling is.
Why the Distance Works
Walking a few steps away communicates two things:
You are safe. I’m still here, watching.
You control your body. I can’t—and won’t—force you to stop. That’s up to you.
It also gives me a chance to breathe. My job isn’t to end the tantrum. My job is to stay calm and keep the boundary.
Follow-Through Is Everything
The hardest part? Consistency.
If I say I’ll step back until they’re calm, I must follow through. No bargaining. No “just this once.” Additionally, I must hold this expectation every. single. time. The child needs to recognize that no matter what, no matter where they are, the expectations are the same and the consequences are the same. This not only holds your boundaries firm but it also provides your child predictability and safety.
Here’s the magic: the more consistently you hold that line, the less often you’ll need to. Kids learn that yelling doesn’t pull you in—it simply pauses the fun. They recognize they get more attention when they are calm.
A Quick Example:
Last month at the zoo, my child wanted to skip lunch and head straight for the giraffes. When I said no, the wailing began. I gently told her, “I’ll be over by the bench when you’re ready to eat.” She screamed some more and chased after me.
I sat her at the bench and stated, “You need to sit on this bench until your calm. Your screaming hurst my ears and I don’t want to be around somebody who yells at me.” I then walked away (still in eyesight but with obvious distance).
I stood against the railing, pulled out my water bottle, and waited. Two minutes later, she stopped screaming and calmed down. Once she was calm, I walked back towards her and reminded her “I don’t like being around people who scream at me. It hurts my ears when you yell. When you are upset, I need you to use your words and tell me, ‘Mommy, I’m feeling frustrated.’”
The closure to the tantrum is important as well so you can calmly reinforce expectations and provide your child the chance to now practice using words and discussing their feelings. You also now can hug and make up and end on a positive note.
Also note that if your child keeps getting up from the designated spot you place them in, that you simply put them back in the spot with no arguing. Engaging in an argument is providing them with attention (albeit negative attention, but attention nonetheless). You can also choose to walk further away or simply ignore any advances towards you. If they are tugging on your leg, you continue to look in the distance and don’t acknowledge they are there until they are calm. A frequent phrase I use with my daughter is “I can’t hear you when you scream.”
Final Thoughts
Public meltdowns will always draw looks from strangers. That’s okay. Your child’s emotional growth matters more than a few raised eyebrows. There are even times where you may get some pats on the back from other fellow parents encouraging you for putting up with the tantrum and enforcing your boundaries.
Love and Logic reminds us: calm is contagious, consistency is powerful, and natural consequences teach lessons words can’t.
The next time you find yourself in the checkout line with a screaming child, try stepping back—literally. You might be surprised how quickly everyone finds their footing.
