Anxiety & Routines
I’ve always known that children thrived when they had structure put in place. It allows them to know the boundaries. And although I have always done my best to stick to a routine and schedule, it was when we started having consistent struggles around bedtime that I decided to enforce a much more specific schedule.
Visual Aids
I created a visual chart/checklist for my daughter. This way, I removed all of her excuses and it was no longer me she was fighting with, it was the chart. “The chart says you have to do it, so we might as well.” This chart included pjs, brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, getting a drink of water, and reading a book. We checked all of these off so she couldn’t get out of bed claiming she needed water, etc. It was time for bed. We noticed after just the first two nights it made a huge difference!
The visual aids as well as getting to check everything off was motivating for her and she was excited to accomplish each task. I laminated it and then we would use a dry erase marker and just wipe it clean after the week (using a protective sleeve will work the same). I made sure to also hype up what a great job she did every time she accomplished a task. It was something for her to proud of and she was therefore more willing to check of the next task so she could get the praise all over again. Instead of arguing and getting negative attention, she was receiving positive attention and positive reinforcements.
I did this again when her anxiety really started to become a problem. I cut out pictures of different activities we did throughout the day. This included breakfast, school, pickup, after-school activities, dinner, play time, bedtime, etc. We would put all of the activities to map out our day. This way, she knew what to expect. Playtime was after dinner, so asking for her iPad or to go off and play outside wasn’t an option. She also knew that after playtime, it was time to get ready for bed - not time for a snack or dessert.
Transition Warnings
Lastly, the use of timers or providing notice that an activity was coming to an end was also incredibly helpful for transitions. Prompting her that she had 5 minutes, then 3 minutes, allowed her to mentally note the activity was coming to an end (this is helpful when on the playground as well). By using the timer, it removed me from the role as “bad guy”. It was the timer she could be frustrated with. I noticed there were far less tantrums when I gave her a warning rather than just telling her, “Hey it’s time for _____ now!”
Sticking to the routine and following through with the expectations is important. If you cave when the meltdown occurs, they know that if they do this again and push hard enough, they will eventually get their way. The first few times may be difficult. Some will accept the expectations faster than others. But if you stick to your guns, eventually they will know that their efforts aren’t effective and this is the expectation. Period.
Note: if you get a visual timer where your child can see the time dwindling, it also provides as a visual warning when time is almost up. This is a great tool for time management in general.
