Anxiety and When it’s Time for Help
My child has always been on the anxious side. We always said she was afraid of no one and afraid of everything. She was always very cautious. She took her first steps at about 13 months. However, she resorted back to crawling for another few weeks because it made her nervous to truly let go.
At the playground, she was never one to go up the steps. In fact, when walking across a playground bridge that had the ever slightest incline (seriously, at first glance it looked flat), she tiptoed at a snail’s pace to get across it and needed me to hold her hand.
People always told me this was just a phase. So, we gave her the space to take things at her own pace. However, it never seemed to subside and rationale never helped matters. We would reassure her that she was okay and that she had even done this before and enjoyed it, and yet she’d be terrified to do it all over again. Furthermore, no other children seemed to ever be as nervous as she was. Her nervousness was just a little more extreme than everyone else’s.
I used techniques that I knew as a teacher to try to help her. I’d create a schedule to help her know what to expect with colors and pictures. If we were doing anything significant we’d watch YouTube videos together beforehand or look at pictures of previous experiences so she wasn’t caught off guard and felt prepared. It also gave us an opportunity to have a dialogue about it beforehand so she could ask questions and feel reassured (I sometimes wonder if this created more anxiety than it was helpful). I also read books like The Out-of-Sync Child; The Whole-Brain Child; The Explosive Child; and The Body Keeps the Score. Additionally, I followed experts on Instagram and purchased sensory tools off of Amazon (see list below). These were all incredibly helpful, but still weren’t enough.
It wasn’t until a few months ago, that we pulled in the big guns. Our tipping point was when she was consistently vomiting out of anxiety. This happened during private swim lessons when we took her into water where she couldn’t touch or when we went to activities that may or may not have pyrotechnics like Disney on Ice or sporting events. No matter what tools I used or how much prepping I gave her, it just wasn’t enough.
So, we found a child therapist - someone who worked with young children and specialized in play therapy. She focused on Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) and how to provide better supports starting in the home. This was something I was incredibly skeptical of but am now a firm believer in. We also saw the pediatrician - I wanted to look into the possibility of her having ADD or sensory issues. After the survey I took at the doctor’s office, discussing her family medical history, and first-handedly seeing some of her behaviors, he felt pretty confident that she had ADD and an anxiety disorder. He also thought it was possible to have sensory issues and would benefit from seeing an occupational therapist (OT) for some sensory support.
I got onto THREE waitings lists for OT and it wasn’t until several weeks ago that we finally got in. In OT, they want to focus on helping her adjust to unexpected events, coping with different sounds, working on her fine motor skills and helping her find ways that allow her to stay focused on a given task. I emphasized to them that among all of her struggles, the anxiety was my main priority.
What’s crazy is I already see a subtle change in her. I think a variety of factors are at play:
PCIT has helped and has encouraged her to problem-solve and communicate her feelings — it has also helped the way I parent and communicate in general.
Gently exposing her to what makes her nervous - an informal practice of behavioral exposure therapy (BET) has also been helpful so she can continue to see she’s okay.
OT has even helped already — not because they’ve significantly made progress in just a couple weeks but they are just another resource that is encouraging and fun helping her feel further supported.
Age is also a huge factor. Children at a young age just grow so rapidly. I feel like you blink and they’re onto the next milestone and have figured out the newest life skill. So, where she was a few months ago is obviously different from where she is today.
It’s not easy. In fact, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried because I just felt so helpless. Trying to track down the right specialist for her and getting answers felt far harder than it should have been. I hated knowing my daughter was struggling and I couldn’t just fix it. There is no quick fix.
There’s a variety of things you can do and different things will work for different kids. I strongly encourage you to read those books or any other applicable books as it’s just helpful to better understand your child and offers a new way of looking at things and how to parent different behaviors.
There are things you can do. There is hope. Appreciate every win - no matter how small. Focus on being present for your child and being the support they need. If you find yourself getting frustrated, take a break. The very skills you are teaching your child you need for yourself as well. And finally, give yourself some grace.
You’re doing everything you can and right there is already a win!
Hang in there.
Additional sensory resources:
The bubble blower - great for teaching deep breaths as well as other motor skills.
webe kälm: Sensory tool for calming with slow exhalation, visual focus, and auditory regulation. Supports mindfulness, stress relief, bedtime, and anxiety
Stepping stones - assist with balance, coordination, and sensory
Trideer Wobble Cushion with Inflation Pump - Wiggle seat for sensory and balance
Active Seat Peanut Shaped Bounce Desk Chair -Wiggle Seat good for movement and sensory
Play Putty Therapy Putty for Kids with Charms Rainbows and Unicorns - Fine Motor Skills and Hand Strength, Occupational Therapy Sensory Fidget Toy and stress relief
Kids Ear Protection, Noise Canceling Headphones (we call them her magic headphones)
Pencil Grips for Kids Handwriting Pencil gripper Pencil Holder Posture Correction Training (great for fine motor skill support)
Calm Down Threading Boards - Set of 2 - Sensory Board for Calming Corner - Social Emotional Learning - Occupational Therapy Toys
hand2mind Mindful Maze Boards, Learn Breathing Patterns, Mindfulness for Kids Anxiety Relief, Tactile Sensory Toys, Play Therapy Toys, Social Emotional Learning Activities, Calm Down Corner Supplies
